Growth

Society doesn’t teach us how to fail

Instead we’re defined by our worst action,

a single flicker of morality and bars encompass you.

A soul lost in the darkness,

unless they find the light, or society deems them redeemed.

Humans are complex beings,

we grow, change, morph into something new.

The you of yesterday is unrepresentative of you.

Some people.

Some actions,

thrive in the past and not in the present.

to make mistakes,

to fail.

Thats how we grow.

The world is not stagnant.

life is not a predetermined path,

potential in uncapped.

There are unfathomable ways to combine thoughts, actions and stuff.

Leash

You’ve been consuming my thoughts today.

The idea of being completely in control over you,

you to have complete control over me.

… fuck me i want to fuck you

Would you like to realise this fantasy?

I want to tie your arms behind your back, push you down and fuck you from behind. One end inside me, curved round my clit with the reverse end in you, shoved up into you’re A-spot ( yes it exists, look it up) . I pull on your wrist chain, leaning against you, pulling your hips up and thrusting you into the air. Furiously you tug at my lead, forcing me further inside, forcing me to fuck you. I want you to control my soul while I control your body; you cant move, speak or see… all your senses are free to disappear into FEELING.

But still know you have control,

One sign and you’re free.

I’ve never enjoyed making anyone cum as much as you,

what would you think about a harness,

or a leather collar?

I want you to drag me to bed and force me to fuck you,

and i…..

being obedient, will obey.

I’d like to try every different type of scenario with you,

I love how you cum,

how much you visibly enjoy it.

Take you time, get into a comfortable space,

close all doors,

all blinds,

let yourself be secure.

You walk through my bedroom door,

drop your shoulder, flash your classic smile, and already i’m yours.

you walk across,

tshirt falls to the floor,

clothes lost in the journey.

you squeeze my face in your hands and clip the leash to my collar.

with one tug our lips meet.

“ive came so hard thinking about you,

………..i want you to fuck me that hard right now”

fuck yes…..

choke me as my dildo rams you,

wrap the lead and choke yourself…

Ride it.

Soft DOM

Not enough people connect or are willing to acknowledge it.

I believe there should be open communication,

              To completely understand another’s inner working,

              To see everyone’s emotional ties to another,

              That is true understanding

That is something I am seeking and believe it would make me happy.

I really feel people can feel better after reading what I write.

That I’m offering them a hug through my words.

I want it to elicit feelings, emotions, and then reassurance.

This is also why I’m a dominant.

There’s a moment in sex where it goes from emotional to animalistic,

My animal is a lion.

When I really enjoy sex is when I get to completely own.

To let that side out of me.

To constrain you,

              To fuck you,

              To hear you moan.

I’m not sure how far I want to go with it,

where the line between fantasy and reality lies.

Writing: Anxiety relief

I imagine the world as a sea of floating orbs

              Souls.

Connecting to all those souls and forming bonds is what makes me feel alive

I don’t get joy from owning fancy things.

              Yes, I own some nice things

The act of writing my eternal passage of thoughts down in itself

Speaks to the weight upon which I value my thoughts.

I think I am extremely self-aware

               But I see this as a good thing

              To be self-aware is to actually see yourself and other people,

              To see the bigger picture of your interactions

I want to spread that.

I am beginning to wonder if this is a good idea.

Should I not refrain from seeing the world so vividly?

It is really hurting my heart to think this much.

But as much as I try, there is no switch.

A long battle I will eventually lose.

It will always outlive me.

My anxiety feels impossible to overcome.

Even now my heart races and my thoughts pound.

I fear I will always be like this,

And it’s exhausting.

Dear god sometimes I wish I was ignorant

              I really had to chance this thought

Because ignorance is bliss

To be accountable but unaware.

              I wish I was unaware sometimes.

That is my anxiety. I cannot escape my thoughts.

This is a way for me to explore those thoughts by myself,

              To reach my own conclusion

              And then to share that with people that know me or care to.

I am always writing to someone I know,

My thoughts are always thinking about someone I know or imagine to read this.

I simply want to be open and share my openness,

To show people it’s okay to feel.

Feeling is what makes me feel alive,

              Society tells us not to feel.

Society is wrong,

              No political party can fix this

I acknowledge the assumed naivety in my thought process,

I’m fully aware of the endless hoops to jump through before real, substantial change occurs.

But I still believe it.

Understanding

I am alarmingly open about my emotions,

That is what I enjoy.

              To be able to feel emotionally understood and accepted,

              And they also having this same trust.

              A contract written in the air with two souls

I haven’t really cared for reading in a while.

It requires me to switch of my brain,

              To get lost in another’s thoughts.

Something I haven’t been capable of doing.

Instead,

My brain is constantly preoccupied unravelling a knot of truths

inside my head.

I wonder, sometimes

If everyone feels this.

-22/07/2021

Creating

Isn’t there a slight arrogance in creating.

For believing your thought or idea is more valuable than all current art.

Not to say it’s the best but it is not the worst.

In its creation it will enlist some joy.

And for those that it doesn’t, that’s okay too.

But I shall not know or care.

So why then, should everyone not create their truth.

Writing is my truth.

My way to convey my creativity.

Or at least one way.

Tether

I will try to write my thoughts as words.

To slow them down.

To breathe slowly

              Concentrate each word upon my brain until its gone.

Breathe in the words,

              Exhale freedom

A dancing thought cloud travelling up then through your toes.

I’m building a life that I enjoy living.

One that excites me and bewilders me.

              One that entices me.

To feel your emotional tether upon my heart,

              To rest there

                             And to sparkle it.

You make my soul feel alive.

Morning Coffee

Sitting outside,

Just reheated a cup of coffee in the pan to nurse the forming hangover. Its so nice to wake up by myself.

My soul feels free, my heart gushing and my head racing.

Interacting with new people opens your eyes to another side of life, explored by someone else that is beautiful in their own right.

People live such amazing lives.

I want to live an amazing life, do out of the world things and see extraordinary places.

I did forget this, got a little lost in it, but i’m so excited to live this life. Coffee is good. I am very excited for life but I do wish my brain would quiet down for a minute.

I want to sit here, look at the trees and think nothing. Stop thinking. God that’s what drugs do isn’t it. That’s why I just woke up and my brain is on fire.

Because drinking puts your brain on pause, until you sober up again and the thoughts come flooding back in.

-10/07/2021

Energy

I listened to a mental health podcast today about energy. I do agree, people do have energy and they radiate a certain energy. I would like to try and surround myself with people that radiate a good energy.

Maybe people are like plants. I glance over at my basil plants brown leaves protruding from the bin as it outgrew its pot and life got too fast for me to find a replacement. People are similar, prevented from growing and we too begin to wither. I feel good today. I feel clear. There aren’t that many people around me and that’s okay. I feel okay by myself. I want to see people but I don’t need to. I want to explore a side of me that I’ve always had to push down because of pressure from other people.

I think I may be poly amorous and this is something I would like to explore further. I’m not entirely sure what it is but I always seem to be wanting more from a relationship with one person, I don’t have commitment issues as I can easily commit to one person but I always feel as if it’s pointless, I don’t see why. Why restrict our sexual lives to one person when there’s a whole world out there. I don’t think one relationship negates another, I think they’re all separate branches and you can choose which ones you put your energy into.

-17/03/2021